Today’s a big day! Bernice’s plant stores, Green Growing Things 1 and 2, have been going like gang-busters, the international 800-pound gorilla of the plant world, 1–800-GOT-GREEN.COM has approached her. They’re so impressed at her ability to keep her Audrey IIs from taking over the world, that they want to offer her a job. She’s going in today to talk to them.
?Do you observed they may make me a terrific offer? Perhaps they’ll let me are available on the director level!? Let you are available? Excuse me? Before she?S walked into the room, she?S already given away 90% of her negotiating power. We ought to store this example, and store it rapid. We?Ll use a framework I found out from control representative Joe Yeager when I became just coming into the commercial enterprise world.
This little framework is the Bees Knees. And bees have six joints on each leg, and six legs, so that’s a lot of knees. Plus they have Queen Bees. So when the Queen Bee holds court, there is a lot of kneeling. They have a very complicated social hierarchy that involves a lot of kneeling with different numbers of legs. When two bees meet, they kneel to each other and quickly know who’s higher and who’s lower on the food chain. I’m sure this is true, because it feels true.
You know what else feels true? I feel that humans evolved from bees, not primates. Why? Because we call each other “honey” and give each other flowers for romance. When we want to know what’s going on, we ask “What’s the buzz?” Do those sound like monkey things? Of course not. But bees … honey, flowers, buzz … well, that makes sense! Besides, look at the legs of the most beautiful people in the world, Milan runway models. Do their legs look more like the legs of a Great Ape, or the skinny, svelte legs of a bumblebee? I rest my case.
Joe?S framework is sincerely, ?One-up,? ?One-down,? And ?Equals.? Because we advanced from bees, people are hierarchical too. You have ?Excessive born? And ?Low born? Human beings. ?High? And ?Low? Confer with the vicinity inside the hierarchy. When human beings meet, they frequently unconsciously sound each other out to figure out who?S the alpha bee. The alpha bee, the only who is higher status, is ?One-up.? The beta bee is ?One-down,? Lower status, and on the mercy of the alpha.
What you’re after is the feeling of equals. Since it’s all in your mind anyway, you may as well prime your mind to feel powerful enough to hold your own in the negotiation.
Those people not born into wealth and privilege were conditioned to think of ourselves as ?One-down.? We?Re those inquiring for a process. We?Re the tiny peon petitioning the Great Pharaoh. We?Re Oliver Twist, looking for gruel. Many human beings born into wealth or reputation think of themselves as ?One-up? And anticipate the one-downs of the sector to do their bidding. There?S even a bunch of neuroscience showing that if you get wealth and strength, it creates a ?One-up? Mindset that shuts off empathy and makes you into kind of a jerk, until you explicitly preserve it from happening. I desire someday to be confronted with that undertaking.
Now that we don?T live in small groups where we realize all of us, we establish hierarchy with every new person we meet, based on what we might take place to recognize approximately them earlier. Like, they have got a activity to provide.
Bernice is falling into one of the oldest traps within the e-book: she?S stepping right again into her accustomed function of job-seeker, where she?S one-right down to the employer. This is all going on in her thoughts. She hasn?T even stepped into the room but, so her first step is to step up her game, pretty literally. And here, my friends, are the steps.
First, think about this specific negotiation. Do you want to come in one-down, one-up, or as equals? You might want to be one-down if you want them to underestimate you long enough for you to lay the groundwork to take over the company in a surprise proxy battle. You might connect as equals, or if they came to you, you might want to explore taking the one-up position, since you have something they want. Generally speaking, my preference is to come into the room as equals, or from a benevolent one-up position.
There are places to your existence in which you have got all three positions. If you?Re a high college teacher, you’re one-up in your students. You?Re equals to the opposite instructors, and one-down to your boss, the most important. Status can exchange relying on context. In excessive faculty, I was one-all the way down to my favourite teacher, Mrs. Schlesinger. She may want to ask approximately my life and my lifestyles plans, however it just wasn?T suitable to invite about hers. At my reunion, but, we met as equals, and she informed me all approximately the doubts she had approximately being a teacher, in place of a management representative, or other careers she?D considered.
Remember a time to your beyond where you had the identical one-up, one-down, or equals courting you want to have in this negotiation. Mentally positioned yourself returned in that state of affairs. Then ever-so-slowly, trade the memory so that you?Re imagining being in the same dating along with your negotiating counter-party, keeping the equal feeling. I would imagine my verbal exchange with Mrs. Schlesinger approximately her profession doubts, after which exchange the photograph of her into an photo of the person that can be across the negotiating desk. The complete time, preserving the sensation of being ?Equals? In place, until the image of day after today?S negotiator has the equal feeling of ?Equals? That Mrs. Schlesinger has.
What you’re after here is the feeling of equals, one-up, or one-down. Since it’s all in your mind anyway, you may as well prime your mind to feel powerful enough to hold your own in the negotiation.
Bernice did her idea test imagining her singing teacher. They had an ?Equals? Dating and might often commiserate over lunch about the dramatic variations among high E and excessive F-flat. It turned into a supply of existential angst for them each.
Now, she feels great and is just about to charge in to negotiate her arrangement with 1–800-GOT-GREEN.COM … but … I’m holding her back. Because feeling is only one piece of the puzzle. Next, we need to know how to signal status during the meeting itself.
In next week?S episode, we?Ll do precisely that. We?Ll explore greater about one-up, one-down, and equals, and how you sign popularity when you?Re in a negotiation.
This is Stever Robbins. Follow GetItDoneGuy on Twitter and Facebook. I run programs to help people have Extraordinary Lives and extraordinary careers. If you want to know more, visitSteverRobbins.com or join my personal mailing list by texting GETITDONE to 33444. You’ll also get a free copy of my secret book chapter on how to build relationships that help you succeed.
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